January 10, 2010

Today’s subject is hard.  One I have been thinking about on and off for sometime now.  It involves admitting.  Being honest with myself.  About whom I am.  Where I am.  And that’s just never easy, is it?

Have you ever wished you were more?  Accomplished more?  Have you ever seen what you should be and what you are and found the latter to be lacking compared to the former?
There are two men in the bible that had an encounter with God.

The first man encountered God, realized it was in fact God, and immediately tried to hide his face because he was afraid to look at God.

The second man needed to go somewhere.  But before he would he go, he insisted on seeing God first. He could not, would not, act without the presence of God.  The second man encountered God because he NEEDED to encounter God to live.

Sometimes it’s so easy to be that first man.  For so many various reasons.  Because we know what we are.  What we’ve done.  The choices we made.  Sometimes it’s not even the choices we’ve made, but the choices we have to make.  And there’s that tugging in the heart that tells us what we should do.  But we don’t want to.

I’ve been that first man most my life.  I’ve known who God is.  Believed in Him with all of who I am.  Without a single doubt.  But acknowledging He is real and bending to His will are two entirely different things.

I’m a willful man who likes it MY way.  And deep down I know that’s wrong.  I wish I were more like that second man.  The one who wouldn’t act, move forward, take another step… unless that step was WITH God.

And do you know it’s ok that I’m not more like that second man this instant?

The wonderful thing about God is that He will take us as we are.  And mold us, shape us, help us grow with time.  You see what I have not said yet are the names of the men in these two stories.

The first man is Moses. (You’ll find this story in Exodus 3:5-5)

The second man is also Moses. (And you’ll find this story in Exodus 33:18-23)

That’s amazing isn’t it?  The quality and caliber of a single man changed so much with time that he went from fearing seeing God to being unwilling to do anything without first seeing God.

It’s so easy to get lost up in past failures.  In misses and losses and could’ves and would’ves.  It’s so easy to look at yourself and think you could be so much more than you are today.  And convince yourself you never will be.

But that is NOT true.

You see so long as you allow God to He will shape you, mold you, guide you, and build you up.  And yes, there will be mistakes.  Moses made mistakes.  But he continued to grow.  Moses was not perfect.  Neither are you.  Neither am I.

The point is God is perfect.  And in our real lives with our real problems and our real needs we have a real God to get us through it.  To help us overcome what we were and become what we can be.

People make mistakes.  People sometimes don’t live up to their full potential.  I often feel like I couldn’t count all the times I’ve failed to be everything I could be.  But God doesn’t see the failure.

How could He?  He is a parent.

And a parent cheers when their son or daughter makes the game-winning basket.

But the parent doesn’t consider their son or daughter a failure for missing it.

Like any parent God sees the child who merely needs guidance to become the man or woman they really can be.  Everyday I come closer to it.  And every day it’s because God is there showing me how.

And maybe, the first true step is to stop fearing seeing God and being reminded of all the things in which we are lacking.  And instead insisting on having God truly present in our life so that He can strengthen us in all those places.

Because when you get down to it if the question ‘Was Moses a great leader?’ was asked, the answer would be no.  God was.

December 29, 2009

Suddenly the sound of a crash careened through the room.  On the ground was a small china plate, cleanly broken in two.  And a lesson was about to be learned.

There are two stories I wish to write about today.  But before we delve into the story of a broken plate, let’s turn to the story of some very confused men.  Allow me to point you to Matthew 18: 1-5.  I’ll post it here in Today’s New International Version.

1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”

2 He called a little child, whom he placed among them. 3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever takes a humble place—becoming like this child—is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.

Confusing?  Isn’t it?  What does it mean to become like a child?  And why should we be humble?  In today’s America, humble is something that is likened to a false sincerity.  You don’t acknowledge out loud how spectacular you are, but everyone knows you know it, so that you act like you are less is just that.  An act.

But children don’t act.  They are the most honest humans of all in their actions.

Let’s return to the initial story I began telling.  It is a story of me.  And my daughter.  She is, at the time, a beautiful and incredible three year old girl, who finds absolutely everything marvelous.
On this day she is enjoying a very special gift given to her by my mother.  It is a real china tea set.  Not just a plastic children’s set.  I had thought it too much for her, but wasn’t going to deny such a gift after my little one saw it and fell in love.

As young girls her age are apt to do, she immediately wanted to get it out and have a tea party with dad.  A request I just was not able to deny.  She poured the tea for me, set out the plates with the bread.  And we sat down for a little pretend lunch.  And something happened.  It might have been a phone ringing, or a knock at the door.  But I stood up for just one moment, looked away for the briefest second, and that’s when I heard it.

Crash.  Shatter.  The plate fell to the ground, broken into two perfect halves. And then I heard something that nearly broke my heart.

My daughter began to cry.  This is a father’s true weakness.  No man can stand firm in the face of this sound.

But then my daughter did two things that surprised me.

First she exclaimed through her tears, “I am so sorry, please don’t punish me.”

I was shocked.  My daughter is well behaved, and I can only think of one time when I had ever had to even spank her.  I could not and still can not think of any reason why she’d believe I’d punish her for what was an accident.  Little children will drop plates.  How wonderful and strange is a child though. She didn’t try to hide it, or lie.  She took full responsibility, almost too much responsibility.  How unlike an adult.

And then she gave me my second surprise.  After so quickly apologizing and seeking escape from a dreamed punishment, she lifted up her arms.  Seeking to be held, comforted, seeking the one person present who could make everything better.

How often does a human seek comfort from the very person who they believe might punish them?  How often is the man holding the whip also the man who holds safety?

But it was the act of a child, a lesson that I believe illustrates Jesus’ words so perfectly.

Humans, whether you believe they are born with sin or without, do sin.  We’ve all done it.  We’ve all done –something-.  Whether it was by accident, or on purpose.  The sooner we acknowledge what we’ve done wrong, the better.  Then we can ask for forgiveness. And then we can seek comfort.

Because God is a parent.  THE Parent.  He is like a Father.  And a Mother.  And His love is more complete, more full, than anything any human could manage.
Do you know what I did when my daughter reached up her arms and silently asked for me to pick her up?  To hold her?  To make it all better?  I didn’t punish her.  The thought never crossed my mind.  I didn’t scold her.  I didn’t have a single negative word to say.

I immediately picked up my daughter and held her close.  Dried her tears. And I did everything I could to make it ok.  I glued the plate.  I assured her over and over that it was ok. That I wasn’t mad.  That I loved her.

How could I do anything else?

And THAT my dear reader is the nature of God too.  He created us.  He loves us.  And whether your plate is literal or figurative, whether it’s your heart, your life, your sins, or anything else.  I promise you.  I guarantee you.  If you say today “I am sorry.  Please forgive me.” And reach out your arms to be taken in by Him.  He won’t hesitate.

A Father never could.

December 23, 2009

There is a worship song simply titled Breathe.  The lyrics, like many worships songs, are simple.  Easy.  Repetitive.  Perfect for learning quickly and following along.

This is the air I breathe.

This is the air I breathe.

Your holy presence, living in me.

This is my daily bread.

This is my daily bread.

Your very word, spoken to me.

And I am desperate for you.

And I am lost without you.

That is essentially the entire song.  So simple, elegant… and so far from the truth.

I have never known desperation.  I live in a great land.  The United States.  And though we are going through arguably a depression, I have never known desperation.

I have been jobless.  I have been poor.  But there has always been a meal.  There has always been a roof over my head.  There has always been a safety net, the promise of a blanket.

I have never wondered if I would wake up tomorrow.

I have witnessed desperation.  I’m reminded of a video showing a woman and her child.  The child was in a stroller.  She took her hand off of it for one moment and in that one moment the stroller went right at a set of subway tracks.  And a train was coming.
This woman dove for the stroller.  Not in time, but it didn’t matter.  She actually started to put her hand in front of the train to try and stop the stroller when it was all too late.  Her health didn’t matter; she was desperate to save her child.  Thankfully by a miracle the child actually made it through the ordeal without a scratch.

For that single moment only one thing mattered.  Her child.  An act of desperation that fueled her very actions.  She risked and probably would have suffered harm for the sake of someone she loved so much.

Am I that desperate for God?  I wish I could say yes.  But I don’t think I can.

Is God that desperate for me?  For you?

The answer is a resounding yes.

One of the great quotes of Jesus essentially goes like this: “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”  (John 13:15)

There is no greater act of love than someone who would give everything for you.  Who would live for you.  Who would die for you.

But Jesus was just not a man of words.  He was a man who meant his words, who lived his words.  After uttering those words he would go on to do exactly that.  To prove exactly that.  He would lay down his life for all mankind.

So we could live.  Truly live.

How desperate is God for us?  So desperate He would go to unimaginable lengths to be with us.  Jesus was born so he could die, among other things, for us.  What a choice that must have been.  Imagine the conversation when that plan was formed.

“Son, I need you to do something important.  Give up all your power, all your knowledge, everything you are.  To be made a human.  Raised a man.  And killed for man.  By man.  The catch is, the whole point of it will only matter for each man if he chooses to let it.  And it’s quite possible many won’t.”

Would you say yes to that?  I don’t think I can.  But God is desperate for you.  God is not a God of second chances.  He’s a God of second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, and more chances.  God is a God who would abandon the ninety-nine sheep to come find the one and bring her home.

A parent would do anything for their child.  And God is a parent.  He is the Father.  Loves like a mother.  To Him the great price of sacrifice is worth it.  Is small.
I sometimes wonder if He’s actually taken a look at me.  Surely if He saw me clearly He’d think that all the pain was not worth it.  That all the sweat, tears, and blood was shed for someone who didn’t deserve it.

But the truth is… He knows I don’t deserve it.  And He just doesn’t care.  He wants me anyways.  He wants me, He’s desperate for me.  And the same is true for you too.

I have never felt desperation, and if I may never truly feel it.  But thankfully God has.

December 21, 2009

Sometimes I get asked how I can believe when there is no evidence for a god.  I get told that the meaning of faith is belief without proof.

The first question relies on a faulty assumption (in my opinion).  The second is a misconception.

This is a loaded topic to be honest.  One that can’t be covered by a single page, or even a single book.  But I’ve come to a few conclusions.

1) Sometimes people of science and people of faith get stuck on ‘my evidence vs. your evidence’.  And the truth is there is no my evidence, your evidence, his evidence or her evidence.

We all have the same exact set of evidence.  And what it means ultimately comes down to a matter of opinion.  Because in the end, that is how science works.

A good scientist works by forming a hypothesis, examining the available data, and then realizing that: it reaffirms the hypothesis, requires the hypothesis to be modified to more correctly fit the available data, or completely disproves the hypothesis, thus requiring a new one.  Most things about science are not facts written in stone never to be changed.

Some observations we can make about this universe are obvious and easy for everyone to accept.  Water is buoyant, gravity holds us to the ground, and the sun is rather bright. (At least in comparison to say a tree)  Other things are harder.  They’re much more open to interpretation, to opinion.

Scientists disagree on a lot of things.  That’s what makes science work actually.   The very emotion of it all.  Some people picture scientists as Vulcan’s in lab coats serenely toiling away at discovering the secrets of the universe, always agreeing, always taking the most logical path, never once bickering on an outcome, a path, or a possibility.  And the truth couldn’t be any farther away from this.

What does that have to do with this topic?  Believe it or not, there are scientists who see evidence in creation.  In a higher power.  Maybe not a Christian god, but perhaps a god.  And so do I.  I don’t consider myself a trained scientist.  I don’t have a degree.  I don’t have college schooling in the field.  But I have always had a keen interest in science, for as long as I have been alive.  And everything I have discovered, everything science has taught me, has only reaffirmed my belief in the fact that there is a God.

What is faith?  Is it truly something you have in the absence of proof, of logic?  Let’s see what the bible says.

Hebrews 11:1 in the KJV says:

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

In NASB:

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

What does that mean exactly?  Again a loaded question.

Faith is a conclusion we reach through observation.  In nonspirtual matters we have faith in many things.

We have faith the roof above our heads will stay where it is, because we’ve observed it did so the day before and the day before.

We can’t prove that, and the roof could fall.  But that doesn’t make it an incorrect belief or observation.

We have faith that the sun will rise in the morning, as it has done every morning of our lives.  We have observed that this always happens and few would doubt it will happen again.  But theoretically it might not.

Even in science, many things are based on faith.  We have faith that experiments can be verified through repetition.  Because no matter where in the universe you go, matter acts exactly the same.  Can we prove that?  No.  It would be impossible to travel the entire universe and test all matter to be certain it acts the same as everywhere else.  It’s even unlikely to do that across the earth.  But we have observed enough to rightfully come to this conclusion.

Few things are facts in the form of ‘absolutely impossible to be wrong and 100% proven true’ so much as ‘true to the best of our ability to test and observe.’

That is faith in the nonspiritual, and the spiritual.

Faith is the substance.  The evidence.  The assurance.  The conviction.  I have faith that God is real, because I have felt Him move in my life.  Watched as He has moved in others’ lives.  Did I literally see His hand?  No.  But when the wind blows open our door we know the cause from the effects.

Hebrews takes it a step further.  Faith IS evidence.  And that might seem contradictory, or even circular.  To a small extent, that’s fair.  But some circular reasoning is still correct.  Our life, our world, often lives in the truth that the majority rules and is correct BECAUSE it is the majority.  Nothing could be more circular.

How far have we come in science?  Yet faith still persists.  How much has man grown?  Yet God has not left our lives.  The Bible is still the #1 selling book in the world.  Each day it is translated into new languages.  And even in the most technologically advanced societies of today, religion has not died.

I have faith because I have all the evidence I need.  I have seen the complexity of the universe, and can not come to the conclusion that it is an accident or chance.

Faith isn’t a conclusion to reach when no evidence presents itself.  Faith is a belief culled by the observation of both things visible and not.  It is not a tool for ‘filling gaps’ but rather a final conclusion reached by a mind who stares at the whole of the universe and can only realize that there must be more.

The only things more miraculous than a man having faith in God, is the very fact that God too has faith in man.

Canterrain

November 22, 2008

I was talking with a friend recently when they said,

“How do you really approach God?  I’ve been told alot of things, usually accompanied by the words if you don’t do it this way you are wrong.  Now I’m confused and I can’t even seem to find God correctly.”

Have you ever wondered that?  Have you ever been trying to find God based on the methods of others only to find yourself more lost than ever?  Have you ever found yourself questioning the silence of God?

If so you aren’t alone.  This is more common than most people realize.  So I want to repeat that fact, you are not alone.  I think in my writings I will be saying that alot, because it is important to know.  We share many of the problems we face with others, especially when we have convinced ourselves that we are the only one to have experienced them.

But on finding God “correctly”.  Anyone who says only ‘their way’ is the ‘right way’ is really confused on things.  God made us all different.  Unique.  And made us all different kinds of communicators.  So if God would go through all that effort, why would he then try to pigeon hole us into exactly one sort of method that may even work directly against the kind of person he made us?  He wouldn’t.  Approach God your way.  And no matter what way that is, it will be correct.  Because God will meet you.  The intent is more what matters than the method.  Even when the most we can do is meet him halfway.

I want to share with you one of my very favorite lessons I’ve ever learned about the Bible, because I feel it’s important everyone know this.

There’s a scene in the bible that’s very confusing thanks to English.  It’s after Jesus died, and rose and started making appearances again.  It goes like this in the New Canterrain Simplified Version.

(For those of you following along in your own Bibles, this is John 21 verses 15 through 17)

It’s confusing in English.  It leaves one wondering, why would Jesus have to ask so many times?  Wasn’t it clear the first time?  In truth my friend, no it wasn’t.  The language those two were speaking of has multiple words for love.  Phileo is one of them.  And it might be defined as a, loose form of conditional love, such as you might have for a close friend or acquaintance.  In everyday English  we’d probably use like instead of love for this word.  And another is Agapao.  Which is the kind of love you would have for a spouse, or a child, unconditional and deep.  They are on two different levels of meaning.   So keeping that in mind, the conversation actually went a little more like this.

Jesus brought Peter aside to talk with him personally.  And there he asked, “Peter, do you love me as you would your mother or you wife or you son?  Unconditionally?” (Do you Agapao me?)

And then Jesus asked, “Peter.  Do you love me.  Unconditionally.  As you would family.  As you would your brother.”  (Peter.. do you Agapao me?)

And Peter, probably all to happily, answered, “Yes Jesus, of course I love you as I would a friend!”  (Yes, Jesus, of course I Phileo you!)

Do you see what happened there?  Jesus was looking and hoping for an unconditional love.  A true commitment.  For Peter to come up to a certain level.  After all, Peter was his disciple.  Travelled with him for years.  Peter had been the first to recognize that Jesus was the Messiah.  Had had his feet washed by Jesus.  Had seen the man risen from the dead.  That’s not too much to ask right?

And he’s more than willing to do that with you.  If you are trying at all, then you are doing enough. And yes God is willing to meet you where you are at.  With your doubts, with your questions, with your fears, with everything you see as wrong with yourself.  Jesus cared about a man who denied knowing him when Jesus was at his worst moments.  With all you have been through and are going through God still cares about you.  And will still meet you where you are at.  You are exactly how God made you.  With a good dash of free choice that continues to make that base grow.  But your personality, your quirks, your leaning towards doing this, and not doing that, what makes you introverted or extroverted.. that was very much God’s doing, and for a reason.  And that means as long as you approach God as YOURSELF,  you are doing it exactly right.  And anyone who says different is fooling themselves.

I promise you that.  It doesn’t matter if you find God in art, or find him in prayer, or find him in tears.  It doesn’t matter if your path to speaking with him is one with many curves that seems to get you more lost.  If you are trying to approach God, that is enough.  If you approach him as yourself.  That is enough.  And I promise you God will meet you halfway for any part of the journey you just cant make on your own.  Just as Jesus dropped down to Phileo with Peter, God will meet you where you need him to.

You are not alone.  And if you are reading this today realizing you too have asked that question, then please realize as well, someone else has asked it too.  As humans we stumble.  As humans we fall.  As humans we face things all too often that we shouldn’t have to.  But you are not alone in that.  You are not alone in getting lost, trying to find your way.  I encourage you to continue to try and find God.  But don’t worry about the details.  The ‘correct way’.  Find God as yourself, and He will be there.

Do you have a question about faith or God?  Or do you need someone to say a prayer for you?  If so, please, feel free to email me.  canterrain(at)lifequill.com

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